Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Is a frequently asked questions section really necessary?
A: No.

Q:Were you really a marathon swimmer?
A: Yes

(follow-up)Q : Why?
A: iPod’s hadn’t been invented yet (what?!) and I didn’t realize there were easier ways to avoid human interaction than constantly being underwater.

Q: Don’t you think it’s a bit cheap to trade on things like dimples and use contrived cuteness as currency while simultaneously railing against instances of misogyny?
A:Golly mister, that’s some awful big words for lil’ ol’ me. Maybe if you rephrase your question in the form of a rape joke.

Q: Did you draw the (somewhat arrogant) illustration of yourself in the header of this page?
A: No, that is the work of talented artist Mei. Check out more of her stuff at Tiny Vices.

Q: Who would win in a fight between Val Kilmer’s Batman and Val Kilmer’s Doc Holliday?
A: Good question! On the one hand, Batman has an infinite amount of incredible gadgets and an inextinguishable furnace of vendetta-fueled orphan rage. But Doc Holliday has a badass duster. Doc also has better catch phrases. Ultimately they’re both Val Kilmer, so there’s a healthy dose of unpredictable crazy in both. For me it comes down to, as is so often the case, a great moustache. Doc takes it!

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